


So happy I could die

by maybeillride



Series: Songfics [2]
Category: Free!
Genre: Future Fic, Hottie office-worker Rei gets no respect, M/M, Masturbation, Memories, Mojito magic, Public Hand Jobs, Routine can be a good thing, Tokyo (City)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-23
Updated: 2014-10-23
Packaged: 2018-02-22 08:37:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2501459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maybeillride/pseuds/maybeillride
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rei is as far from a left-brained number-crunching cube-dwelling type as there is, much as it would be nice to be one.  No, he’s a goddamn mess.  A HOT mess, as his dear still likes to say, so that particular vernacular must still be around.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So happy I could die

**Author's Note:**

  * For [choking_on_roses](https://archiveofourown.org/users/choking_on_roses/gifts).



> I hope you enjoy this weird talky-porny meditation on "being-Rei" done as a tribute to one of our most-talented Rei lovers here, the incredible and fabulous rosaveritas. (Seriously, if you haven't checked her out yet, STOP READING NOW AND RECTIFY THAT SITUATION. Thank you :D)

Rei has a routine. It’s not a routine he talks about or that anyone knows about. But of his deliberate and strategic world of routines, it is his favorite.

He’s aware of how rule-bound he seems to his coworkers, who are so easily amused that they came up with a little “Ryuugazaki Bento Bingo” calendar, which they draw up at the start of every month and make predictions on what he’ll bring to eat from home each day. Somebody even gets assigned to keep tabs on him while somebody else collects the bets and doles out the winnings. He’d be pissed off but in some twisted way he figures he’s contributing to office harmony and teamwork (and hell, financial gain, why not) and he’s embarrassed he still believes in that.

Personally, Rei doesn’t get what his colleagues find so endlessly funny about him. There’s something so calming, so soothing, so HELPFUL about routines. About knowing that, okay, today’s bento to look forward to is the leftover ginger salmon from last night’s dinner with Haru and Makoto, all tucked away quietly for him in the fridge. (He’s shocked there was any left given Haruka-senpai’s cooking, which is as good as ever, but figures everyone was particularly happy and funny and laughing and drinking so much the food was almost forgotten.) Today, even as he nurses his too-big-head from last night, he knows that the 7:05 train is waiting faithfully, almost all the faces on there familiar, half-asleep (unlike him… at least not on a typical day). Today, he smooths his dove-gray suit as he walks to an 11:00 meeting, knowing the extra minutes to find the navy shirt from Nagisa before falling into bed last night paid off, knowing Nagisa’s instinct for beauty had been particularly tasteful that time. Today, he totes around a little notebook to his meetings, with scribbled thoughts on strategies and ideas and possible pitfalls that he makes beforehand, because if there’s anything he hates more than meetings it’s wasted time in meetings.

Because Rei doesn’t do all this _because_ he’s orderly. That’s the funniest part of all! The part his smirky coworkers probably will never understand, not that he cares terribly. Because his beloved friends do. Because his dearest Nagisa does. That he is as far from a left-brained number-crunching cube-dwelling type as there is, much as it would be nice to be one. No, he’s a goddamn mess. A HOT mess, as his dear still likes to say, so that particular vernacular must still be around. He wants so much to calmly explain his feelings using his fabulous vocabulary but reduces himself to a shaking heap to the point bystanders practically want to call emergency services. He tries too hard and fails, fails, FAILS. He throws himself into things without the first thought about safety or consequences or how things might look or how dumb or crazy he sounds.

He cares and loves. Too much.

So there’s one routine, a private routine he keeps jealously just for him, that somehow makes him sit down with that part of him, that he needs to do every once in a while, that makes him feel okay about this giant gap between who he’d sort of like to be and who he obviously is.

*

Rei gently closes the front door of their apartment and hurries to the kitchen to deposit the empty bento in the sink.

“Heyyy, honey, you’re home,” he hears from the main living space over the insane sounds of Nagisa’s second-favorite game show. The one where people have to put on increasingly-dirty outfits and go through increasingly-violent obstacle courses to get washing machines, he thinks. He’s not sure – he has an irrational aversion to watching, almost as bad as Nagisa when Rei wants to watch one of his how-it’s-made documentaries. He LOVES those.

“Yes, you sound surprised,” he laughs, coming in and finding Nagisa wrapped completely in their big couch blanket, what he calls the “Burrito of Sadness” blanket, just his little face and a fluff of hair peeking out the top and his dainty, perfect feet crossed on the table. He immediately gets a stab of fear at the image – _that_ blanket in _that_ tight wrap around him signifies dark memories that dump acid into his stomach – but Nagisa is relaxed, smiling, _cozy,_ and he relaxes, too, just a little.

“Are you alright?” he asks gently as he goes over and gives Nagisa a kiss on the lips, his rose-colored eyes squinting up sleepily and approvingly at the navy shirt.

“I’m fine. I should be asking you, after all that drinking we did last night, huh? At least _I_ didn’t have to go to work today. Goddamn, I bet Mako-chan’s already lost three kids at the club.” Rei makes a little choking noise despite himself. “ _Kidding,_ kidding, man you’re an easy mark, _dear.”_ He stretches up to Rei to demand another kiss, sloppier with hands snaking out of his burrito-blanket around Rei’s neck, and he tastes like ginger salmon. Rei teeters on the edge of some impulsive Nagisa-led thing here on the couch but then remembers his routine. He carefully returns Nagisa’s wrists into his cocoon and gives him a punctuating kiss on his button nose.

“Well, _dear,_ this easy mark has a little more work to do for tomorrow before dinner, so you keep watching your….travesty of a show, and I’ll be out to start making something in about twenty minutes.”

Nagisa must really be involved in this episode – he does no bickering, just puts a foot on a particularly sensitive area and shoves Rei away.

*

Rei slips into an old fun-run T-shirt and a loose pair of track pants once he’s closed safely in their bedroom, which does double as a home-office with a tidy desk snugged against the window in the corner. He doesn’t even look at the desk, though. He heads directly for the far side of the bed – “his” side – quietly easing the bedside drawer open for a tube of lube and his little MP3 player. For a music lover he doesn’t live with the earbuds plugged in incessantly – he prefers the quiet on the morning train and the weird entertainment of occasionally eavesdropping on the evening one. Even his runs are usually quiet – there’s something about the beat of his feet that exhilarates him without needing to add music. But for this little ritual, he needs a certain song, needs to travel back to a very specific moment that happened while that song was playing, and thus he plugs the earbuds in as he settles back against his soft pillow and dials to the song. He releases a long sigh like he’s letting go of the day, and pushes the waistband of his pants and briefs gently down to his upper thighs. He pushes play and then repeat.

*

Nagisa is so beautiful in the moonlight. He’s _always_ beautiful, but the silver does something to him, sitting in Rei’s lap, and Rei totally agrees with the little speaker Nagisa brought with them out to the sand. He’s got a song on repeat like he loves to do, and Rei’s listening to the words, like he loves to do, even buzzing and hot as he is now.

(He trails the lightest touch with the first two fingers of his left hand down his smooth, lubed semi-hardness, gently, almost petting himself, right hand idly massaging around his entrance. He doesn’t want to get ahead of the memory.)

_“I love that lavender blonde The way she moves The way she walks I touch myself can't get enough And in the silence of the night Through all the tears And all the lies I touch myself and it's alright…”_

He’s in a trance, like he thinks he never has been, he doesn’t know if it’s the mojitos they had by the pool, Nagisa’s eyes shimmering more than the moonlight on the water. Nagisa’s rocking in his lap to the syncopated beat of his song, and Rei wants to laugh at how perfect it is, he _is_ Rei’s lavender blonde, and he can never have enough, and he’s rocking, and his mouth tastes like rum and mint and sugar, but it _always_ tastes like sugar –

(Rei’s swirling his right pointer in swoops around his hole, restlessly, his left fist impatiently just-ghosting up and down his shaft, he’s hard now, restraining his hips with each not-stroke, no, it’s too soon to move –

He distantly hears -)

_“_ _Just give in Don't give up baby Open up your heart and your mind to me…”_

He dimly remembers this is a private beach, but in reality it’s a “Private Beach”. They’re slowly sliding into what’s definitely a crime in Japan and has to be illegal in the United States, even in Miami. Nagisa is testing him, some remaining logical part of his brain realizes…. He’s got Rei drunk, he’s in the palest-pink, softest silk shirt that’s doing something…mathematical…to his eyes, some factor of ten increase. He’s refusing to stop moving, all over him in the beach chair, and the song is all over them too, and then he feels one hand flipping open his chinos.

Rei can stop him, he can still stop him, there’s no one else out here long after midnight but he can still stop him. He doesn’t. Nagisa sits back as his fingers creep in –

(Rei sighs so softly to himself, returning to his base and gathering himself, he’s like water, he’s so gently pulling and stretching the soft skin in waves, just like when he hits the end of the lane and the water takes a second to catch up, pulling and hitting the wall just like he’s pulling against himself, and finally, finally he’s freed his hips to move, his beautiful dolphin-kick hips, but he still keeps himself mostly in check, pushing up into his big fist from his hips and letting his hips pull him back down through his firm grip, and _now_ he’s moaning before catching himself -)

-he’s moaning unashamedly, they’re on a public-“Private” beach and he’s struggling to give a fuck, the women in the song sing the sweetest “ _Ooooo’s”_ as he lolls his head back on the chair and Nagisa, Nagisa, Nagisa’s little hands work their magic up and down his shaft and are thumbing his balls, his head tucked under Rei’s jaw and not even sucking, not kissing, just breathing, slow and even, and how the fuck can Rei still make out lyrics –

_“So happy I could die Be your best friend Yeah I'll love you forever Up in the clouds We'll be higher than ever –”_

(He’s abandoned his shaft and lifts slightly off the bed, rocking his left-pointer teasingly against his slit as he repeatedly plunges two lubed fingers on his right inside, breathing rapidly, silently, like a race finishing -)

Nagisa stops his punishing rhythm and thumbs insistently at his slit, moving back up to his face and kissing, kissing, kissing him –

(-and he’s coming, coming, coming -)

-all over his chambray shirt, so hard he bites Nagisa’s tongue in his mouth and he flips back from Rei, hissing “Owww! Thanks a _lot!”_ but his eyes haven’t stopped dancing. And Rei sputters, horrified as he offers the tail of his shirt, that DOESN’T have cum on it thank you, for Nagisa to suck on, and hears the song again, and utterly, utterly agrees –

_“So happy I could die And it's alright”_

*

From the cracked door, Nagisa smiles and his eyes are dancing. He whispers the same words from a moonlit night he remembers well too.

“So _reckless,_ Rei-chan.”

**Author's Note:**

> K, my bizarre and maddening mashup with Lady Gaga songs and Free! fics continues (this time the pretty-trancey "So Happy I Could Die")...I REALLY DON'T MEAN TO. Hopefully you don't mind, Rosa, but the 1st time I heard this one the ReiGisa overtones stood out so much they practically poked me in the eye. Then the opportunity to do a Rei masturbation piece pops up and, well, "Eureka," for better or worse. But it did seem like something Nagisa could be prone to slamming on repeat... ;)
> 
> But now that the "legal mumbo-jumbo" is out of the way, it was SO FUN to do my 1st-ever ReiGisa, even a time-jumpy/self-pleasurey/voyeuristicy one, and ESPECIALLY to try to write from Rei's perspective. 'Cause he's a giant contradiction/mystery like you say...and that makes him wonderful. THANK YOU Rosa for the excuse!!
> 
> And - more importantly - *thank you* for sharing yourself from "both sides of the aisle" - for being such an enthusiastic and supportive commenter on top of such a devilishly confident storyteller. You make this a MUCH more interesting place <3

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Bigger than a breadbox](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2589608) by [maybeillride](https://archiveofourown.org/users/maybeillride/pseuds/maybeillride)




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